What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 13:39
All the time i was locked up.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What movies have not aged well?
Put me off passion for life!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Do you enjoy cheating on your spouse? If so, why?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
She was in good health!
What is the top-rated beach resort in Bali, Indonesia according to TripAdvisor reviews?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I have no regrets .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What are some downsides to living in Newfoundland and Labrador (besides the weather)?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My life is so biszare .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Is it ethical for same-sex couples to raise children?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot live in the past .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But, we were locked up after school.
Would this be the day?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it wasn’t much.
Comes on , in middle age.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He knew the spot.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We were not on the streets..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
When she asked me how she looked .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was scared of men, in general
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She loved him until the end.
It was going to be , some day.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What did i know ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She wouldn,t have been !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She found it foreign!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I said to her
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was seconnd youngest,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was very sick at this time too.
And i lived it daily.
We all went to grammer schools
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I write beautiful poetry .
I was 9 years of age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My family never makes their pension either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ive learnt so much.
I waited trembling.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
This is soul school!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I don,t even have a pension.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Who then, do I blame.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She married twice! .
I think the readers, may guess!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .